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More Boring Crap on TV – A Glimpse Into Our Bedroom
Sometimes my husband just kills me. He will watch grass grow if it is in HD. Seriously, I have caught him watching animal planet because it is in HD. Not for the ubiquitous humping, mind you. When I walk in and catch him red-handed (not really) watching it, he looks at me all amazed and says, “Look at the color of the spots on that leopard. They are stunning.”
This is no drug reaction, ladies and gentleman. Rather this is HD. High Definition. Isn't it only freakin' television, for the love of Mike? Half of the time I don't even notice the difference.
“Who cares?” I always tell him. This infuriates my husband.
He turns into a maniac if he comes in and catches me watching something that we have in HD but that I am just watching on plain old cable. Flips his lid. Has to go through the entire “did you not know that we have these exact same channels on HD? do you know where they are located?”
I look at him and say “I just found it and turned it on.”
This infuriates him even further. How could I be so nonchalant about it?
In fact, another fight of ours is the guide. We share what we watch in the bedroom. We both like different things. I try to watch his and he tries attempts to watch mine. But I let him have control of Super ‘Mote (yeah, we have named our remote control. Ok actually the kids named it but it stuck and we all call it that. We ARE a bunch of nerds, aren't we?)
While he looks through the channel guide, he will go through the HD channels at least twice to see if anything is on. Weighing his options. I am sure the wheels are turning in his mind and he is saying to himself “that looks a little boring but it is in HD.” This infuriates me. He will spend 20 minutes looking for a show meanwhile missing half of the other on television.
For instance as I write this, he has changed the channel from the first show that I complained about to another boring show. This one is called Great Titans of the World.
So I like to play dumb and ask “hey is that like the Tennessee Titans?”
But he ignores and instead says after announcer talks about the Amazon River, “Dude he got hot, wet and exotic in the same sentence. That is so cool! Huhuhuh huhuhuh” Ok Keanu I am thinking.
A few minutes later he says to me “Holy crap. Did you hear that?” after the announcer says something groundbreaking.
I look at him disgust and say “Why in the world would you think that I am listening to this?”
So he then tells me anyway. All of these facts about the Amazon River that I just am concerned about right now. Maybe I will be on Jeopardy one day and these questions will be asked of me. Who knows?
But he proceeds to tell me this really long story about a show that he and my son watched the other day. It was about a bird called a Liar Bird. This bird apparently does calls in all sorts of sounds. Not only does he share this little nugget but then he proceeds to do each of the bird calls. The chainsaw. The car alarm. Mating calls.
[Side note: One of the cool things about this bird is that whichever bird strings together the best song of impressions, gets all the ladies. Nature in its wildest form]
I am looking at this 38 year old man do bird impressions with a beer in one hand. The other hand in front of his mouth as he opens and closes it towards me. “Dooooooo doooooo. Dooooooo dooooooo. Like a car alarm.
All while I am thinking “I married this guy?” but knowing full well what I got myself into.
[Another side note: this is the same old thing going on night after night. We fight the same fight. So it is really not a fight rather a little heated bickering. We're cool.]
I let him ramble on for a few more minutes. Then I say “hey do you know what is more boring than watching one of your boring shows on tv?”
He looks hopeful and says what?
I say “watching one of your boring shows on tv and having to listen to you tell this story at the same time.” I immediately regret it as I look at his crushed face. Feeling like I maybe totally went overboard.
“Do you not realize that this was in HD? Can you not imagine how cool it looked? Your a jerk.” He then turns over and goes to sleep.
Now I am stuck here thinking about the events of this entire evening. Going over the conversations in my mind.
But really all that I am concerned with now is that I have the remote. BUH BYE mating calls of the emaciated, Swedish honeybee just 'cause your in HD.