Learn more about Modern Manners Monday. Dear DMM: The birthday party season is upon us. We have a birthday party almost every weekend for the next two months. I guess that I am considered...
My Mom Logic
I never wanted to be a mother and marriage was pretty much out for me as well. I am sure that is very strange way to start a post about Mom Logic so let me clarify that. I never thought that I would make a good mother so in my infinite wisdom twenties, I decided that I would be a “career woman.”
I was too selfish. I worked full time. I traveled around the world. My goals were simple, to make six figures and/or to start my own business. I did both. I spent most of my 20’s working hard and playing hard but it wasn’t until I was 28 that I realized something was missing. So I bought my first house and got an MBA but there was still that feeling that my life was incomplete.
Soon after that I met the man who would become my husband. The moment that I met him, I knew that he was the man I was going to marry. The dictionary defines logic as “a particular method of reasoning.” My reasoning or logic had changed over the years. I matured and what I wanted out of life changed as I did. Meeting someone and thinking that it was “love at first sight” was the kind of thing that I laughed at when I was younger. That seemed ridiculous. So illogical.
But suddenly here I was with everything that I thought I had ever wanted and it wasn’t enough. It never felt right. I wanted to be married to this man and I wanted to spend my life with him. Marriage came about two years after we met (I had to be certain) and this year we will celebrate our 10th anniversary.
We talked about children and I thought maybe we would give it a shot later in life but three years after we married, I found myself pregnant. I wanted a boy so much that I was scared to find out the sex.
My water suddenly broke one morning and our son came into the world almost seven weeks early at 4 pounds via an emergency C-section. He couldn’t eat because he had not developed the sucking reflex so he was tube fed or syringe fed when they let us do it. I had no clue what to do. I had no Mom Logic. I felt sorry for myself and our son. He was beautiful and fragile but came without instructions. I was scared. I had been able to use reasoning to deal with everything in my life except this.
The fourth day in the hospital, our son was still not eating or doing very well and everyone was concerned. The nurses were giving us instructions on how to put the syringe in his mouth and put a little food in there. I still had not held my son. They wouldn’t let us. Suddenly my reasoning kicked in and I told them that I had to hold him right that second. I didn’t care how they did but they help me pick up all of the cords and attachments but I had to hold my baby. This was My Mom Logic.
From that moment on, our son was held almost 24 hours a day. He began to eat. He began to grow and we never left his side. After several weeks in the hospital, we brought him home and he really thrived. He did suffer from RSV and spend several more weeks in the hospital that first year but was otherwise doing ok. One year after his birth, our little preemie weighed 20 pounds and we were thrilled. I never went back to work (at least not outside of the house).
The second child came almost four weeks early but she came home with us from the hospital. She had a few hospital stays during her first few years but today is a healthy, active child.
Baby #3 arrived two years ago and also came early. The day after she was born, we found out that she had a heart defect which required open heart surgery as soon as she was strong enough. I plunged into a deep, post-partum depression. It took me a while to pull myself out of this depression and today I still take anti-depressants but they have changed my life for the better.
Never have I learned more than when I became a mother. The strong, world traveling career woman that I envisioned myself to be in my 20's is completely different from the woman that I am today. School, work, travel was nothing compared to holding my four pound child in one hand (he was that tiny) and realizing that we created him. This being. This person came from us and that it was up to us to shape and mold the person that he would become. There is no training for that. There is only logic. Mom Logic.
My Mom Logic:
-Tells me that each child was an extraordinary gift given to and meant for only me (well and my husband but this is my post).
-Evolves from day-to-day, week-to-week and changes as my children grow. It also changes as I evolve and grow as a mother.
-Tells my children that they can be whatever they want when they grow up because today, anything is possible.
-Says to do whatever I can to foster their creativity and sense of wonder.
-Tells me not to compare my children with other children because all three are unique and this type of comparison is fair to no one.
-Lets my children fall or learn lessons (as much as this kills me sometimes) because I know that this makes them stronger.
-Tells me that if my child wants to dress up like Mr. Incredible nowhere near Halloween and go to Costco, complete with mask and boots, to just let him. Because being a parents means choosing your battles. And an old Halloween costume is not worth a battle.
-Tells me that I was meant to be the mother of these bright, happy, silly, tantrum-throwing children and all of the crazy things that I thought in my twenties no longer apply.
-Tells me that I have to let them go and let them grow up although for a few moments each day, I secretly wish that they would stay babies.
Mom Logic is what guides me daily and has really transformed me as a parent. Mom Logic is what tells me that my child is sick even though the doctor says that she isn’t (Baby 3 needed surgery and we just knew but the doctors didn’t think so at first). Mom Logic is what gives me the courage to parent as I see fit.
Finally, My Mom Logic tells me that no matter what kind of day I am having or how many days I have spent in the hospital with one of my children that I am absolutely where I should be. That this is what I meant to do with my life, to be a mother, their mother.