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Modern Manners Monday – Shopping with Children
Let's face it, good manners are at the top of the list for many mothers when it comes to our kids. Manners are one of my biggest issues with my three children (ages 7, 6 and 3)
Welcome to my new blog series, Modern Manners Monday. I get a lot of reader questions about manners for kids plus I see a lot of posts out there in the blogosphere about the same thing. Short of asking Ms. Manners ourselves, I thought that we could pose our most pressing etiquette and manners questions here.
Feel free to share your thoughts and give advice. I am by no means the etiquette expert but I figure if we put our collective heads together, then the result will most definitely be something of value.
QUESTION
Dear DMM: Every time I am out shopping with my children, temper tantrums ensue. During the entire shopping trip, my kids beg for almost everything in the store from the moment we walk in until the moment we leave. There is crying. There is fighting. It is becoming too much for me to handle.
Shopping without them is not an option but I have to figure out a way to keep my sanity and get in & out of the store without the tears. There are many times when I give in just to keep them quiet and I know that this is setting a bad precedent.
What can I do?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
Email your questions to stacieconnerty (at) gmail (dot) com and I will get them posted as space becomes available. Please put “Modern Manners Monday” in the Subject line.
Totally inspired by the fabulous woman who is The Broke Socialite.
This is a great question.
No one wants to be that parent who everyone is staring at because your kid(s0 is (are) out of control….but haven’t we all been there at least one time?
What worked for me was rewards for good behavior & removal of privileges for undesireable behavior. The key was to be consistent & to explain very clearly why the reward or the removal of privileges happened….show they are connected directly to behavior.
Thanks for the input!
i just wrote a post about this a few weeks ago. One of my suggestions was to make a colourful chart with items you will need to buy (clip pictures out of the flyer), with multiple children you can make two charts, and if you’re planning on doing this on a regular basis you can make reusable ones out of whiteboards. Each child has specific items to help you locate and put in the basket. This keeps them engaged, busy and learning at the same time. With older children you can ask them to write the prices for each item down and help them learn to budget.
It’s not a failproof idea, but it’s SOMETHING!
I love the chart idea. Great suggestion!
I had only one child, but, trust me there was enough whining & crying for 3 kids it seemed. What worked for me, is when the whining started (wanting one thing after another) is to not respond either negatively or positvely at that moment to the outburst. Wait a few minutes (if possible) and then start talking to them about something completely different with something age appropriate- ie: can you find the color orange? What’s something you would put on a pizza? etc.
Oftentimes she really didnt want the item, just some attention. If I responded either way (the item was just a perk if the response was in that direction) she got what she wanted which was attention . Its pretty boring probably sitting in a hard shopping cart or being dragged around to someplace with no toys and not alot to do 🙂
Give them a little something to do, a simple game always works!
What worked for us with our 6 was to ALWAYS give a pep talk to them before an outing. They are little and they do forget, and with the excitement and sometimes boredom it’s even easier to forget their manners. If grocery shopping, make sure they have a healthy snack before or on the way to the store…heck, even we parents cant deal with slipping by certain aisles when really hungry! If other shopping, make a list and talk to the kids about that. Say WHAT you are shopping for…such as a baby shower gift for their new cousin or new shoes for whomever. If it’s not explained than it sounds like a free for all!
If you set a precedent for a new toy or treat every time you go out, then of course our kids will expect this.
Also, how about using small allowances every couple weeks or once a month and allow them to buy something small all by themselves! This will teach them confidence in public and also a bit about money…it doesnt grow on trees and when its gone…its GONE! (certainly the littlest one might not know this, but hey, you can do role play at home with shopping carts and play money first).
Just like the whole restaurant post on manners you did, I would say stick to your guns and remove a child that is out of line. Behavior like that cant be rewarded or it will only get worse. And believe me, you do NOT want an older child whining and stomping for a pair of Jimmy Choos someday. Doesnt work for me, so it surely shouldnt for them…LOL. (KIDding 😉